Monday, July 30^th, 2003. I woke up today on the first day of my vacation. How I have needed this week off. I was excited. A relaxing week in the summer. What would I do? Mostly I planned on just resting and hanging out. But I would find out later that this would not be the case.

In order to make extra money this summer my best friend Karl and I decided to get a couple of lawn mowers and mow lawns. We figured if we could get a few lawns each evening we could make some good money. Well, it was starting to work out this way, until today. Now I was in the process of getting new customers. We had placed an ad in the paper and I had received a lot of responses. The only big problem was last week Karl had to leave the state unexpectedly and I was left to mow all the lawns and deal with these calls. On top of that  work my full time crappy factory job! Now to make things even better, last week the average temperature was 98 degrees to 100 degrees! I had many large lawns to mow in this weather as well as a new customer whose grass had not been cut the entire season. It had grown a staggering two and half feet high. The day I cut this lawn it was more than 100 degrees! When I got home, I had to deal with the many phone calls. I told everyone they would need to wait for next week for me to look at their lawns. I could not do it this week. To add to this a rich, snobby women called me at twelve-thirty a.m.! She had this attitude that her lawn was more important than my sleep!

So this Monday I decided to call everyone back. Only two out of seven had not found anyone. I set up a time in the afternoon to check out their lawns. The fun was about to begin. Today would become my snapping point and boy did I snap!

It is around four -thirty in the afternoon. Karl and I mow the lawn of our best customer on Mondays, Mrs. B. She gives us extra work and has a great lawn. Now I must pick up Karl and load his mower into my truck. I pass "Mrs. B’s" house on the way. As I drive by it appears that her lawn may already be mowed! I must be seeing things. I get Karl and we arrive to Mrs. B’s house. Guess what? The lawn has been mowed and not very well. We approach the front door. Now Mrs. B’s daughter-in-law answers and she happens to be someone I went to high school with and we got along very well. I ask about the lawn. Her husband comes to the door. Mrs. B’s son. I am very angry at this point. Now he had been out of commission all summer due to a back operation. But apparently he’s feeling better. He claims he was testing out his lawn mower. Testing out? By doing the whole lawn? I made a comment of "we either mow the lawn or we don’t." I then walked off. Karl  stayed and talked but I wanted to go. My anger was spilling out of my ears! Steam was pouring out of every hole in my body.

We hit the road but my afternoon of pleasure is only at its beginning. I still had two new possible customers to check out. My anger was strong but I pressed on. We enter the town where both lawns are. East Haven, CT.  I get off the exit and am cut off by a big truck. He cuts off my view. I get into the heavy traffic and for 20 minutes drive all over looking for this guy’s lawn. I can’t find it. The traffic is getting on my nerves and the Mrs. B situation is on my brain. You see we trusted her. We have no contract therefore it is all based on trust. She could have let me know that someone else was going to do it. Nope! Not one call. After awhile I begin to think that maybe when the truck cut me off, he blocked the street I was looking for. So we turned around and went back. Sure enough there was the road. It was right where the truck cut me off. So I turn down this dirty road. I was a little nervous as to what could pop out of the filth.

While on this road this jackass is right up my tailpipe. So much so that when I do find the house I was looking for I could not slow down in time to turn or I would get it. So I say to Karl that perhaps I can find a dead end road to turn around  and then come back. Sure enough we find one. I take left and drive down. This road just ends. No circle to turn around. It is as if they were building the road and just quit! Now while heading to the end I pass this older women, I would say in her sixties, with a child. They are in the street. I see them and I am watching out as well as going about 10 miles an hour. I happen to be a very good driver and my record proves it. I pull into a drive way and back out. I go back up the road and head to the main street. After I pass this women, I hear her yell the following in a rude and obnoxious way "It’s dead end you know!" She said this in a "It’s a dead end road you a stupid piece of s----!" Kind of tone. I hit my breaks and came to a stop. I had enough. I was ahead of her but she heard every word I said. I yelled out the window with as much anger that could possibly come out of someone "I know that, that is why I came down this road!" She yells back "There is sign right there that says dead end road!" I was fuming. This bitch was challenging my intelligence and my driving. "I shouted back "I know that. I came down here to turn around!" She then yells back a sentence that caused me to explode. " Well, why don’t you pay attention to your driving!" I then without hesitation and in full anger mode screamed back " WHY DON’T YOU SHUT UP YOU BIG FAT F***!

I’m sure you know what the F*** stands for. I then heard a neighbor scream out "Watch your mouth" Karl urged me to just leave. If I was a woman I would have gotten out and slapped the crap out of her!

I drove off and pulled into the driveway of the lawn I am to look at. I am rattled by the bitch. I look at the lawn and it looks like a good candidate. Now keep in mind I had called this guy a few hours ago and went through hell to get there.

We knock on the door and no one answers. We waited for a while. Finally he comes strolling out. When he came to the door, I thought I was going to spew all over his doorstep. Here is this guy in his late seventies or early eighties eating some kind of crap. He looked like a zombie. Although he could see us, his eyes were almost completely whitened out. His eye lids and the lining that goes all around his eyes were pulled away from the eye ball and curling outward. It appeared that his eyes were just floating there. To make it worse it appeared that the food he had been eating was actually coming out of the bottom of his eye sockets! I was gagging. I had to step a few feet back from him. I think he was an honest to God zombie!

With that on our mind this guy then pissed me off beyond belief. I say we will do the lawn and that is followed by him saying "Oh I got someone. I don’t need anyone" I snapped within. I say " But I just called you a few hours ago and you said you didn’t have anyone to mow the lawn. I said I would come here at this time!" He replies with " I couldn’t wait so I had gotten someone already." This zombie had actually found someone before I called. Instead of telling me over the phone he had me come to this God forsaken neighborhood so that he could tell me he found someone else. I think I didn’t show all my anger because in a way I was relieved. I don’t think I could mow that lawn without throwing up every week.

We now head off to next lawn. Same story. Heavy traffic and I can’t find this damn road! In one area there are no street signs. I see a guy walking his dog so I asked him. "Is this Pequot street?" He responds with "I don’t know, maybe, I think so, I don’t know" The guy lives here and he doesn’t know the name of the street! So I leave and eventually decide to just drive through these unnamed streets. The lawn we are looking for has high grass (more than two feet tall) and a Christmas sled still in the front lawn. I drive down this wet, non paved road and sure enough there it is. We did end up getting this women as a customer but it didn’t last long. Turned out she was sneaky and thought she would try to control us.